Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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