Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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