You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
