Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
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