Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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