Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
so let's talk penis.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
