are you so shy because you have an std?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
