So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Just cropdusted the office
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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