A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
This is my gift to your gina
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
They have beer where we have blood.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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