You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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