You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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