she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
