he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
