I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
