somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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