HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
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