Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
