Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
