You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
