Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
