Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Life is so much better after having sex.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
