So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
