my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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