She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
