i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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