I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
