you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
