Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Randomize
