I got chris browned last night
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
