I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
