..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I think I sprained my soul last night
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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