Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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