literally had 100 drinks last night.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
