I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
