I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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