I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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