so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I touched a dick in church today
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I was not drunk enough for that final.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
