I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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