The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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