They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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