Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
