dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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