when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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