she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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