we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
we're making bets on your personal life
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You did what with his pubic hair?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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