Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
