...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
