a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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