Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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