capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
