Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
