So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
