id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
