I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Randomize
