So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
