her facebook's as public as her vagina
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
