I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
You left your phone here
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