Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
