I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Come on in and take your pants off
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